Glamour of Figure Competitions: The Truth Exposed

by Rachel Cosgrove

Image after image and in one video after the next, you've seen flawless Figure girls on stage. Their skin glowing, all that light bouncing off a countless number of rhinestones perfectly positioned over their fabulous suits, their faces beautifully made up, and their physiques looking impeccable.

figure competition

Each and every one of these women looks unquestionably glamorous and absolutely striking in those bright lights -- that's undeniable. What is questionable, however, is just how "glamorous" their journey up on stage really was.

There's little talk about what these stunning ladies went through to look the way they do when we see them flaunting their physiques for the judges.

No, we're not talking about their Spartan lifestyles for the last four months. What we are talking about, are the few days before that all-important event, and the hours upon hours spent backstage getting prepared to walk up those steps looking as flawless as they do.

Ladies, it's time that someone tells it like it is.

Let's talk about the prep the day before and on the day of competition. You've done all the training to look your absolute best; you may as well know a few truths about those final stages of prep. Brace yourself -- some of these facts may surprise you enough to punch some of the enchantment right out of the alluring world of competition.

Waxing

It's best to wax your entire body. We're talking everything. Absolutely everywhere. Ouch! Now there's something to get you feeling glamorous right off the bat, huh?

The suits are teensy-weensy, and you don't want to risk showing any hair where it doesn't belong, so it's best to wax it all off!

Waxing should be done a few days before the show in case of skin sensitivity and redness; never the day before.

Tanning

You know that gorgeous dark tan you see on stage? Well, it doesn't look like that up close!

You'll be the color of a yam and smell very distinctly, too (hint: it's not a pretty smell, by a long shot!). The darker you are, the better you'll look in those bright stage lights; but if you go out in public, people will stare at you as though you've just landed from another planet!

figure competition

Competitor getting some touchups before going on stage.

To obtain this "tan" look, you'll have to literally paint yourself with a sponge or a brush, starting as early as three days before your show. Expect to look quite alien-like on your peak day and for a few days afterwards -- this stuff takes a while to wash off.

Just hope it comes off evenly and not in blotches, as is often the case. If the latter does occur, don't be surprised when your acquaintances start asking you if you've got some kind of skin disease.

In any case, don't worry; you'll still look fabulous on stage!

Leaving Your Mark

And not in a good way. That tanning paint you have all over your water-depleted physique? It rubs off very easily.

You'll leave a nice brown mark on anything you touch, so any toilet seat you sit on, any clothing you wear, and all the sheets you sleep on before your show will most likely be forever stained. Be prepared to either live with the reminders of "that show" you did last year, or get rid of these items once you've washed off your tan.

No Shower

Now this one really shocked me. Nobody tells you that during your moment, your big night to shine in the limelight, you'll have to get up on stage after not having showered for two whole days!

You have to paint on your first coat of tanning paint early the day before your show, so your last shower is that morning. You'll reapply the paint in the evening that same day, and you won't be able to shower until after the evening show on Saturday night!

By the time you're up for judging on Saturday night, you'll have not taken a shower for about 36 hours and you'll have painted yourself with thick tanning paint at least twice (yes, that same smelly stuff we'd already talked about!).

The next time you go to a Figure show, just think -- none of those girls have had a shower in a couple of days. How glamorous!

Bikini Bite

How do you keep that suit from riding up? You glue it!

figure competition

Those suits aren't held in place by magic!

Yes, you get to be glued to your suit, and after taking one suit off and putting another one on for prejudging... and then doing it all over again for the evening show, you'll have a nice residue of glue on your butt, boobs, and anywhere else you decided to glue something in place.

Fake Lashes

And more glue! Yes, gluing on the eyelashes is part of the fun and glamour, too.

Stage Makeup

Your face must match your body tan (remember, color of a yam?), unless you want to look like your head's been photoshopped onto your body in all of those stage photos. This means your makeup will have to be very dark.

You'll also have to use stage makeup, as the everyday stuff you'd normally use will get completely drown out by the lights. You need to do your eyes, lips, and cheeks much darker than usual to see your expressions on stage. If not, you'll look washed out.

Ever feel like you overdid your makeup? Well, you ain't seen nothin' yet! Just when you think your makeup is dark enough, you'll need to go a little darker. By the time your look's complete, your makeup will look like you belong on a street corner.

But on stage, you'll be looking fabulous!

That's the Truth

And now you know it!

After all that training and dieting, when it's time for your big moment, time to show off your hard work -- your moment to shine and look fabulous...

... you'll be the color of a yam. You won't have had a shower for 36 hours, you'll have glue residue on your butt, eyes and boobs.

You'll be leaving brown marks everywhere you go, and your makeup will resembles that of a hooker, a look well accented by those stripper heels you'll be getting ready to rock.

It ain't all glitz and glamour, ladies. But hey, you look fabulous up there. Enjoy your moment -- glamorous or not!